Abusive behaviour … link to Alcoholism and Bipolar disorder?
When I married my husband I knew that he was a recovering alcoholic (2 years clean), but he was one of the nicest people I had ever met. We’ve been married about 6 months now and these past few months he’s becoming more and more of an A**hole, with incredible mood swings, ranging from being the wonderful man I married to a verbally abusive jerk, tantrums and all. I have found out so many lies, most recently that he just resents me being around and wishes he was single. I’ve told him to go and file for divorce and I will leave and go back to my home country (yes I immigrated for him). But he won’t do this, later he apologizes and begs me to “bear with him”. He is like Jekyll and Hyde.
Lately he’s told me he was diagnosed as “bipolar” years ago, but takes no medication. I am wondering if his mood swings have anything to do with the alcoholism or is he really bipolar, and what the symptoms of bipolar are? I am so confused, any advice is appreciated …
Tagged with: Abusive • alcoholism • behaviour • Bipolar • Disorder • link
Filed under: Bipolar Disorder and Alcoholism
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Here are some websites that you may find useful. By the way, why don’t you get the divorce yourself? He doesn’t have to be the one to file the papers if that’s what you want.
http://www.Depressionorbipolar.com
http://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/default.htm
If you have health insurance, get him to a psychiatrist.
If not, then get to your county or community health services system and they will hopefully find a way to treat him for low cost.
It won’t get better by itself, so he must get treatment, or you will have to consider if you can live with him sick – it can create many problems though.
With this kind of behavior at 6 months into a marriage, You two are gonna have a hard road ahead unless you get right with each other now. There are doctors out there for what you describe. Even for the alcoholism. Get help now before it’s to late.
well if he was diagnosed Bi Polar than he needs to be on meds…. he needs to go back to a psychiatrist and get medication now….and yes his behavior does sound like Bi Polar…talk to him tell him you are willing to hang in there with him but he needs get himself an appointment and get himself some help…this is something that requires medication….Good Luck to you and him….
I have a friend in your exact shoes and yes, it was related. The extreme mood swings are a sign of bipolar disease. His highs are very high and his lows are extremely low. Many bipolars use alcohol to self medicate. It’s great that he stopped drinking but now he really needs to get his disease under control. Why is he not taking meds? Encourage him to do so and I bet you’ll see a huge change. Get him in counseling and when they medicate him, keep a diary of his moods. Make sure the meds are working and if they’re not, have them try something else. My friends husband has stopped drinking and the meds have helped him have a total turn around. They are happy daily! No easy feat considering that most days before he got this under control were filled with arguments and general insanity. Learn everything you can about bipolar disorder. Understand it. Help him get through this and the wonderful man you know will return. Good luck.
Why does everyone who screws up, blame it on Bipolar disorder? I mean it’s like the disease of the month club! First it’s “attention deficit disorder” then “dyslexia”, now the favorite disorder is this bipolar crap! Oh well, you’ll just have to react to him like he was a normal functioning human. If his reactions suck, then “whack” up side the head! lol To tell you the truth both of you should dump the alcohol! Even the little beer on game day! It’s never done anyone any good! I collect wines, all kinds of them, and it’s said that wine is good for the body in small amounts, but, you know what. I don’t miss it one bit!
I am sorry to hear you are in this situation..It must be really stressful- like walking on eggs all the time!
I guess if you want to TRY to save your marriage you have to make him UNDERSTAND he NEEDS HELP.
Professional therapy and medicines…If he continues acting this way, he will cause you a terrible harm: he will make you co-dependant and you will someday believe two harmful things:
1) That he cannot be without you….(So you will be forced to stay with him) …and:
2) That somehow it’s your fault he does the bad things he does. (which is not true!)
So be careful….and seek help! Ask your family to support you and if need be, leave him. He is an adult and he has to take responsability for his own actions. Blaming others for your dumb mistakes -and stupid decisions -is what immature and very troubled people do. So don’t fall into this trap. It’s an emotional roller coaster…!
GOOD LUCK…
Bi polar is NOT a disease it is a LEARNED behavior. He chooses to be this way. As far as the alcoholism he has is addicted to it. There is help though, it is in JESUS CHRIST. I have known alcoholics who remained non drinking alcoholics but I have known others who were delivered from it.It takes the power of GOD. If you can get him to go with you to a united pentecostal church the LORD can do a lot more for him than man. Tell him if this is the best he can recover you are leaving.So either to start going to church with you , to see what they have to offer or it’s over, you cannot live like this anymore. I think he does love you, but he is weak, but if he isnt told there IS help for this condition then he will use the bi-polar and alcoholism as an excuse to continue his bad behavior.I used to be bi-polar so I know its not some magical mystical disease that can only be “treated and never cured” for lots of money and drug therapy.
Plain and simple. He either gets the help he needs or you leave. Don’t sit around threatening until it goes from verbal abuse to physical abuse. Give him the ultimatum today and follow through. Otherwise, you end up like so many women out there-another statistic.
It is extremely common for people with bipolar disorder to self-medicate with alcohol and become alcoholics. I am a sober member of AA and have sponsored several women with a dual diagnosis of alcoholism and bipolar disorder.
The good news is that your husband has a treatable medical condition. The bad news is that the treatment is difficult and that he absolutely must take appropriate medication as prescribed, working closely with a competent psychiatrist. This is not a problem that can be dealt with via self-help and certainly not by going to church as one writer suggested (that won’t hurt, but it isn’t a treatment).
So what do you do? This is too difficult an issue for YA. I would strongly encourage you to get a copy of the following book:
http://www.amazon.com/Bipolar-Disorder-Survival-Guide-Family/dp/1572305258
This has been an invaluable resource for me in sponsoring these women, and may help you to understand your husband’s behavior and make some decisions about how to respond.